Haunting Memories
by DracoDew17
Summary: COMPLETE! Hermione has left Draco after a happy year of living together for what seems to be no reason at all. They deal with their pain in their own way, but will it bring them back together? Or will the separation have disasterous results?
1. Painted on My Heart

A/N: I wrote this as a short ficlet for the Draco/Hermione cookie jar on Fiction Alley.  It started to get quite lengthy and I decided to post it as a fic.  I really hope you enjoy it.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  The song is owned by The Cult.

**Haunting Memories**

****

_Chapter 1:  Painted On My Heart_

He was back again.

Every day for the past three weeks he had come into the bar wanting, no, _needing _to drown himself in the alcoholic nourishment his body craved. To some that had been close, this new activity was not unexpected.  Most, however, were surprised at his sudden loss for life.  They had never known just how much he had loved her.

_I thought you'd be out of my mind_

_And I'd finally found a way to learn to live without you_

_I thought it was just a matter of time_

_Til I had a hundred reasons not to think about you_

It had started simply enough.  Head Boy and Girl during their last year at Hogwarts, they had found a way to look past their differences and locate common ground.  It was then that they began to realize just how alike they were, and the first seeds of love had been planted.  It soon led to a relationship between the two former enemies.

Everyone believed he was out for revenge.  To degrade and throw away the former girlfriend of his loathed enemy.  The talk was beginning to wear her down and she came to him late one night.  Her cheeks had been flushed and tear-stained as she pleaded with him and he knew he could refuse her nothing.  It had been the first time he had told her he loved her.  She had kissed him with more passion than before and he knew he had to possess her.  To mark her as his.

_But it's just not so and_

_After all this time_

_I still can't let go_

He could still feel her pressed against him as he looked into the liquid of his fourth drink.  He could still feel the burning strokes of her hands against the flesh of his back.  It had been the beginning of the happiest year in his life.  For the first time, one that wasn't filled with pain and fear.  He was finally free of his father and they could be together once they left Hogwarts.

_I've still got your face _

_Painted on my heart_

_Scrawled upon my soul_

_Etched upon my memory_

They were together up until that fateful day.  The day that made him wonder where a good cliff was when you needed it.  He should have known.  He had been so cruel in his earlier years that happiness was entirely out of the question for him.  She had been quiet that morning  as she cooked breakfast in their London flat.  It was over that meal that she told him she was leaving.  He meant to protest, but she was already packed and out the door before he could find his voice.  He screamed with rage and threw everything he could get his hands on against the wall until shattered glass littered the plush carpet.  That was the first night he went to the bar.

_And I've got your kiss_

_Still burning on my lips_

_The touch of your fingertips_

_This love so deep inside of me_

He continued to relish in his memories as he lifted the glass of liquor to his lips.  With a sorrowful sigh, her name escaped from between his lips.  "Hermione."

A/N:  Love it?  Hate it?  I just hope you'll review so I can continue or not.  Tell me what you think or if you have any ideas.  I know it was short, but it was supposed to be.  Short and angsty.  Hope you liked it.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Always

A/N:  I'm so glad that you enjoyed this short, little songfic series.  Your feedback was much appreciated, and I hope that you will continue to read.  Sorry for the wait in posting, but if you're a fan of my other works, you know that I'm not exactly known for my promptness.  This fic should be finished in a matter of days.  As should "What Once Could Never Be…"  I'm trying to get them out of the way so I can focus on "Return to Eden," but anyway.  On with the next installment.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  The song belongs to Saliva.

**Haunting Memories**

****

_Chapter 2:  Always_  
  
She made a mistake.   
  
She knew it the moment she crossed the threshold of their London flat. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like she had uprooted the path her life was supposed to take. Why did it have to be like this? She loved him. She would ALWAYS love him. Why couldn't things ever be simple?   
  
_I hear a voice say don't be so blind   
It's telling me all these things   
That you would probably hide   
Am I your one and only desire?   
Am I the reason you breathe or am I the reason you cry?_   
  
It came down to one vital detail of their relationship. Trust. Even after the wonderful year they had spent together, she was still expecting him to throw her out and tell her it was some sick joke. That he had never had feelings for her and she had fell for it. Just like a dumb Mudblood. So, to avoid the pain and humiliation of being rejected by her lover, she had, once again, ignored the pleas of her heart and listened to the reasoning of her head. And she was in pain anyway. The pain of a thousand stabbing knives pressed against her heart as the tears forced their way out of the corners of her eyes.   
  
_Always, Always, Always   
I love you I hate you   
I can't live around you   
I breathe you I taste you   
I can't live without you._   
  
She remembered the first time she began to think of him in a new light. It was after the announcement of Head Boy and Girl at the Welcoming Feast in their seventh year. As soon as his name was spoken, an expression of boyish glee crossed his face, and for a split second, she could make out something she had never seen on his face. A real, genuine smile. It was so comforting that it mad a smile break out on her face which only widened after the announcement of her own name.   
  
_I feel like you don't want me around   
I guess I'll pack all my things   
I guess I'll see around   
\It's all been bottled up until now   
As I walk out your door   
All I can hear is the sound   
Always, Always, Always_   
  
But that was all in the past. She had to face the harsh reality that was her life. She was trying to deal with the repercussions, but they were too great that she felt she would break under the pressure. For the first time in her life, she had no idea what to do. Her life was at a standstill and the crossroads were in front of her. The answer couldn't be found in one of her beloved books and her friends couldn't help her. This was a decision she had to make on her own.   
  
_I just can't take anymore   
This life of solitude   
I guess that I'm out the door   
And now I'm done with you._   
  
She had left him. As each day passed, the possibility of returning seemed to be farther out of reach. So many questions were left unanswered and she didn't have all the answers. She wasn't even sure she could face him.   
  
The thought brought his face to her imaginative mind. She could picture him exactly as he was the last time she saw him The familiar tuft of platinum blonde hair that hung in strands to frame his icy, gray eyes. His aristocratic nose with the sculpted cheekbones and jaw. Then, his lips drawn up into his trademark smirk that used to infuriate her.   
  
She lifted a finger to trace the outline of her own lips as his name escaped from between them in the recesses of her memory. "Draco."   
  
She would have to do something soon. The pain, as well as the separation, was slowly killing her. It was inevitable, or she might be the first person to cry to death.   
  
_Always_

A/N:  By the way, this fic is probably going to be about 5 chapters long.  The next chapter will be up in a few days.  I promise.  Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.  Much gratitude is given.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Alone I Break

A/N:  Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.  I hope you enjoy this chapter.  I'm always open to suggestions and comments.  Feel free to email me if need be.  As always, PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter.  The song is owned by KoRn.

****

**Haunting Memories**  
  
_Chapter 3: Alone I Break_

Another week had gone by.   
  
The alcohol was starting to affect his brain. The memories he had of her were starting to spill into each other. Memories of her laughing, of her concentrating while biting her full bottom lip, of her just being with him. The sensation was bittersweet. Remembering their happy times together brought an ache to his heart that couldn't be soothed. He would never feel the same way again. He would never BE the same again. The sudden realization hit him like a freight train.   
  
_Now I see the times they changed   
Leaving doesn't seem so strange   
I am hoping I can find   
Where to leave my hurt behind_   
  
He dipped his head back and let the remnants of his fifth drink burn a trail down the back of his throat. He hoped it would burn the pain away, but it never did. He reached up and pushed the silver blonde strands out of his eyes. His hair was badly in need of a haircut, but he couldn't find the strength. He didn't have the strength fo anything anymore except coming to this bar to drink everything away. Afterwards, he would stumble home and pass out for a Hermione-free, dreamless sleep. If he could barely stand to think of and remember her, it would kill him to dream of her.   
  
_All the shit I seem to take   
All alone I seem to break   
I have lived the best I can   
Does this make me not a man?_   
  
He was staring at the bottom of his empty glass when the waitress came by. She looked at the young man with sadness filling her warm, olive eyes. She took the glass from its spot on the table and placed it on her tray before addressing him.   
  
"I think that's enough for you tonight. Maybe you should head on home. It's starting to get late."   
  
He snapped his attention to her with an arrogant scowl firmly in place. His voice came out in a tone that could cut glass.   
  
"Don't order me around as if I were a child. NOBODY talks down to ME. Now, do your job like a good little waitress and bring me another drink."   
  
His last words were dripping with sarcasm as threw a handful of gold coins on the table. She retrieved them and left to get what he asked for after giving him one last sympathetic glance. She wondered who could have so deeply hurt this willful young man.   
  
_Am I going to leave this place?   
What is it I'm running from?   
Is there nothing more to come?_   
  
After ridding himself of the waitress, he returned to his favorite activity upon these bar visits. Remembering his memories of her. There she was again, engraved on the center of his mind. All cinnamon warmth and self-achieved glory. She was an angel to him and his savior, a Joan-of-Arc in a Hogwarts uniform, saving him from a fate worse than he could behold. His Hermione.   
  
She was more beautiful than a summer's day with bright blue, cloudless skies and a warm breeze. She had absorbed more knowledge in nearly twenty years than most people would in a lifetime. The prettiest and smartest girl he would ever know, the girl he intended to marry, had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sift. And he was too scared to go after her. Scared of more rejection.   
  
He had had his chance. When she left, he had been too stunned to speak, so he didn't. It was something he would regret for the rest of his life. To not stop her from going through that door an making her see reason. To not tell her he loved her one more time. He would never see her again to say it. He would never hear her voice or see her face ever again. Never see her beaming smile or comfort her tears. It was more than he could bear.   
  
_Shut me off   
I'm ready   
Heart stops   
I stand alone   
Can't be on my own_   
  
He was right in thinking he would not be the same. If this was what his life was to become, maybe he should end it. Do himself mercy by ending all his pain and suffering, and overriding the guilt and memories that threatened to consume him. Say goodbye to the world that gave him one spark in a life of hardship only to have that spark taken away.   
  
_I will make it go away   
Can't be here no more   
Seems this is the only way   
I will soon be gone_   
  
The waitress returned with his sixth drink. He grabbed it up and downed it in one gulp. The blackness started to settle around the edges of his mind and he knew he had just enough time to get home. He left the bar and made his way to the flat as a grim satisfaction began to spread through him. _Tomorrow, she will know how much I love her._

A/N:  The next installment will be posted within the next couple of days.  I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. Straight Out Of Line

A/N:  Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, here's the next one.

Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter.  The song is owned by Godsmack.

**Haunting Memories**

****

_Chapter 4:  Straight Out of Line_

A decision had to be made.

Should she return to him or should she stay away?  The reasoning of this question was tearing her apart inside.  Pitting her head against her heart was making the situation worse instead of coming to a resolution.  Then, something dawned on her that completely shattered all her analyzing of the decision.

_There's no reason, there's no compromise_

_Changing seasons, living the high life_

_I don't know you, so don't freak on me_

_I can't control you, you're not my destiny_

She was worrying herself over something that was entirely uncalled for.  In the four weeks since she had left, he had not tried to contact her once.  She knew Draco, and she knew that when he wanted something he would go after it.  Nothing would stand in his way.  It was obvious, and she wondered why she hadn't realized it before.

_Straight out of line_

_I can't find a reason, why I should justify my ways_

_Straight out of line_

_I don't need a reason, you don't need to lie to me_

Well, that solved the big mystery.  He didn't want her so she wouldn't waste any more of her time on him.  The thought that the last year had been a total lie filled her with an indescribable anger.  To him, she was just another conquest.  A challenge to expel his boredom.  That was fine.

_I'll confess this, you're my tragedy_

_I've laid you to rest just as fast as you've turned on me_

_Gone forever, banish the memories_

_This place of pleasure, are masked by your misery_

She would show him.  She would go about her life like he had never happened.  _That_ would infuriate him to no end.  If everything went according to plan, she might even be the first girl to ever survive the lust and cruelness that was Draco Malfoy.

She remembered how he was at school before they were Head Girl and Boy together.  Back when the only feelings she had for him were intense hatred and loathing.  She recalled the way he would promise girls the world to get them in bed.  The _satisfaction_ he got from throwing them away after he got bored.

It was sick, and she refused to be one of those naïve little things that fell for it every time.  She was stronger than that.  _She_ had left _him_.

_Straight out of line_

_I can't find a reason, why I should justify my ways_

_Straight out of line_

_I don't need a reason, you don't need to lie to me_

She took a deep breath and got up from her spot on the floor.  She was going to be fine.  She was smart, independent, and had her whole life ahead of her.  She would answer to nobody.  She simply would not tolerate any more moping about.

He had lied to her.  There was nothing else she could do about it now.  All there was left to do was get over it and move on.  Yes, that sounded quite nice indeed.  She decided to take a walk to mull over the new directions her life could take.  It was such a nice day.

_Lie to me_

_Lie to me_

_Lie to me_

_Lie to me_

And out the door she went.

A/N:  Love it?  Hate it?  I would appreciate hearing what you thought about this chapter.  Hermione is living in the world we know as 'denial.'  It's not just a river in Egypt.  *grin* I think you get my point.  She's convinced herself of all this and decided to put the blame entirely on our sweet Draco, but I promise that it will get better.  However, I'm not saying that it won't get worse before it gets better.  Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Forgive Me

A/N:  Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, here's the next one.

Disclaimer:  I don't own Harry Potter.  Or Draco Malfoy.  Unfortunately.  The song is owned by Godsmack.

**Haunting Memories**

****

_Chapter 5:  Forgive Me_

He knew what he had to do.

The choice was inevitable and it seemed like the only way.  He wondered why he hadn't thought of it sooner.  The misery he was feeling threatened to consume him and he felt like only a shadow of his former self.  The old Draco Malfoy was dead and gone.  The new one wasn't much better off.

_There's nothing to me now.  An empty shell unfolded._

_How, when we learn to pray inside our demons are laughing_

_How long will this go on?  Are we a bit much stronger?_

_Do you think you can save me from living this way?_

He was nothing without her.  She gave him life.  The self-loathing that he had spent the last month in had warped his mind.  He couldn't remember what love felt like.  It now seemed like an ancient memory that he could not grasp.  Something that resisted him on the boundaries in his mind.  But now, it didn't matter.  There was only one thing left to do.

_I don't know how to love.  I just know how to live._

_All I feel is hate.  Will you forgive me?_

He left his flat and walked along his normal route towards the bar.  He did not go in, but passed it without glancing inside once.  His destination was ahead.  Soon, after a couple of streets, he reached it and let his eyes gaze over the long stretch that encompassed the bridge.

_For all those things I've done, they keep on creeping by me_

_And though we've changed our ways,_

_Still all our demons are laughing_

_How long will this go on? Aren't we a bit much stronger?_

_I'd like to think you've came into my life to stay_

He walked across until he was standing close to the middle before moving to the edge.  He looked down.  A two-hundred foot drop awaited him.  He took one step at a time as he climbed over the railing.  This was it.  He was ready.

_No I can't live this way!_

_I don't know how to love.  I just know how to live._

_All I feel is pain.  Will you forgive me?_

_I don't know how to breathe with you too far away._

He took one moment and let his memories flash across his mind.  His pain increased until he was numb to what he was feeling.  He thought she would always love him.  She hadn't.  He thought she would stay with him.  She didn't.  He thought he would be happy.  He wasn't.  With that last thought, he took a deep breath.

He let go of the railing and plummeted towards the depths below.

A/N:  I know, I know!  A cliffhanger!  *shock, gasp*  It WILL be resolved in the next chapter I promise.  Until then, you'll just have to settle for biting your fingernails in anticipation.  What's up with Hermione, anyway?  Just one question for you.  As always, PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Together Forever Always

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken so long to update this story. I've been preoccupied by my other WIP Return to Eden. But, I'm updating now and this is the last chapter of the songfic series. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. So now, for your viewing pleasure, is the last chapter. PLEASE R/R!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song.  
  
Haunting Memories  
  
Chapter 6: Together, Forever, Always  
  
Hermione was making her way back to her friend's flat where she was staying after finishing the walk she had taken to clear her mind of all thoughts of Draco. It seemed to be working until she saw a familiar head of white blonde hair cross the street near the bridge.  
  
At first, she ignored the feelings churning inside her at his presence and decided to just continue on her way. She was nearing her street when she felt a tugging sensation on her heart and she knew she had to go back. She could feel it in her veins. Something was wrong.  
  
Life can be distance between us Days even years could pass on But the love that lies between us will Always be worth holdin' on  
  
She started to walk towards the bridge as she unsucessfully tried to quell the ominous feeling that was quickly rising like a lump in her throat. She swallowed hard when she set foot on the bridge. Though it wasn't possible, it seemed to shake under her weight. She peered ahead and what she saw nearly stopped her heart altogether. Draco was standing on the other side of the railing about to let go.  
  
Without thinking of where she was, she grabbed her wand and ran towards the only man she would ever love desperate to stop him. His head dropped out of her line of vision and she reacted before she even reached the edge.  
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!"  
  
Draco's body stopped its perilous fall between the bridge and the punishing current and began to float upwards. Hermione let instinct take over until he was safely back on the ground in front of her with wide eyes. Unknowingly, tears of relief began streaming down her cheeks.  
  
Together forever always From the day til the end Of each day no matter How far away you are we're Together forever always  
  
She threw herself against his chest and began to sob in great choking breaths. He was safe and that was all that mattered. She knew then she had been stupid to leave him when he had not given her any reason not to trust him. The past was just that and it would stay in the past.  
  
Hermione felt his arms go around her as if he was unsure she was really there. She pulled back and looked at him wanting to reassure him that she really was there and she wasn't going anywhere. She stood on her tiptoes and gently pressed her lips to his.  
  
It was just as she remembered as passion coursed through her body and her heart swelled with love. A tingle of electricity sparked where his lips moved on hers and shot directly to her core where no man had ever affected her like this one. As she twined her arms around her neck she had no doubt in her mind that this was the one. Draco Malfoy was hers just as she would always be his.  
  
She slowly pulled back from his loving embarce and looked into his eyes knowing the gray depths would tell her everything she wanted to know. He peered back into her own brown eyes and that's when she knew the answer.  
  
I could try to forget you but the Memories keep lingering on And the dreams I dream about you They always keep me holdin' on  
  
He couldn't live without her. That's why he had condemned himself to the fate she had saved him from. He felt like he had lost himself when she left. He knew nothing would be the same so he wanted to cease living.  
  
She took him in her arms silently telling him that everything would be okay now. She wasn't going anywhere and she still loved him. She realized that she had never stopped loving him no matter what lies she had told herself about him during the last month apart.  
  
As they pulled away from each other and joined hands, they knew this wouldn't be the last of their problems. They had found each other again and were in love so deeply that it surprised themselves, but no relationship is just champagne and roses. But on the bridge that day, they silently promised each other that they were in it for the long haul and would work at it together.  
  
Together forever always From the day til the end Of each day no matter How far away you are we're Together forever always  
  
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Well, this is the end. I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and for your continuous support even though I'm so bad about regularly updating. After this, I've got several one-shots planned as well as continuing to work on my epic WIP Return to Eden. If you have any additional questions or comments, please feel free to email me. PLEASE R/R!!!! 


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